Who needs a thumb?

Answer: I do.

If you play an instrument, you probably pay a bit more attention to your hands than most people. For instance, a few years ago, a friend of ours who shall remain nameless (TONY!) decided to have us all play paintball for his birthday. If you've never played paintball, let me educate you: it hurrrrrts!!

Those little balls of paint that look all cheerful and benign when they're splattered across your jeans are, in fact, tiny, colorful, bright bombs of piercing pain. When they smack into your head at bullet speed, it feels neither cheerful nor benign. I've seen bruises on my friends that I can't unsee thanks to paintball. I may have been a little bit traumatized.

Not Johnny, though. He was a warrior! He kept playing long after I gave up, and he even started playing with some of the crazy paintball punks who bring their own gear. ... Until he took one in the hand. And that was it for paintball. He got a zinger to the hand and realized what a terrible idea paintball is for a guitar player. And we haven't played since.

As a musician, whenever something affects your hands, the first thing you think about is how it will affect your playing. So, it should be no surprise that when my right thumb recently started popping loudly and painfully and then started hurting when I did simple things like use a pen, all I could think was, "That's my picking hand. Am I going to start having trouble playing bass?"

I probably should have worried about more mundane things, like - oh, I don't know, writing! But I couldn't help it. All I could think was how sad I'd be if I couldn't play bass anymore. I really started to worry after it didn't just go away on its own (a time-tested medical strategy often employed by men).

Well, worry is a pointless emotion (one I spend way too much time indulging), so instead of sitting around wondering what might be wrong (Is it arthritis? Carpal tunnel? Will I have to stop playing?), I went to a hand specialist today.

Diagnosis: I have what's called a "trigger finger." Is that the coolest diagnosis you've ever heard? Hell yeah, bitches - I have a trigger finger! Don't make me pull it!

Seriously, if I had let it go too long, it could have degenerated into pretty painful ailment, necessitating surgery at some point. But because I got a jump on it, I should be able to manage it with a little occupational therapy and some simple treatments, like icing it when it gets inflamed from overuse. I can handle that.

So, worry short-circuited, and I live to play another day! Makes me want to go play right now.