Be the audience member you'd like to have

We recently had a fellow musician attend one of our shows, and it left me with a bad taste in my mouth about them - which was disappointing, because I had admired them before they came to our show. Let me back up.

If you're in a scene for any length of time, you will come to know other musicians, and you'll attend their shows, and they'll attend yours. Hopefully some of those other artists will become (if they weren't already) actual friends!

Okay, well, that's not -- whatever. Sure. Friends.

Everyone tells you networking is really important. What no one tells you is that no matter how much you like other artists, you'll always feel a certain amount of competition with them. That competition can be motivating and provide an opportunity to learn from what others are doing and grow as an artist, or it can ruin your relationships.

If you allow it to be toxic, you'll find yourself jealous of the gigs they play, trying to find fault with their performance, hoping they'll fail. This is a shitty way to feel and to be, for you and for them.

But it's also probably not realistic to say that you should be hoping all the other bands you know will be super successful even if you're not. You're working hard. You believe in your product. You want to be successful. Hoping for someone else's success when you're getting nowhere may be very Jesus-like, but it's probably not very human-like.

So, instead, try to shoot for the middle ground, where you hope you're all successful - where not only are you doing well, but so are your friends. Because you know what's better than being the only cool, talented person you know? Belonging to an awesome circle of cool, talented people. Root for yourself, but also root for your friends.

And when you go to their shows, be the audience member that you would want at your show. This is where we come to the other musician who came to our show.

I won't say which show it was or who the other musician was. There are other musicians at almost every show we play, so let's keep it vague. Honestly, most of the time when other musicians come to our shows, they're cool. They pay attention, sing along, tap their toes, clap, and even put something on social media about being there. They know that it's not easy to do what we're doing, and they're supportive.

We appreciate that more than we can say. And we really do try to do the same when we attend a show. We may not be able to stay for the whole show if there are several sets, but when we're there, we try to give to the artists on stage what we want someone to give us when they're at our show. Which is why it was so disappointing that another artist chose to be catty at our show.

No, catTY. This we would've been okay with.

This artist isn't someone we know well, but it's someone we've seen a few times, and we always thought they were talented and skilled. We were pleased to see them at our show. That went away as soon as we started playing.

They ignored much of our set. When they did look at us, it was with a blank, unimpressed expression. They never reacted to any of the music. We even saw the person with them point out mistakes they heard. They clapped half-heartedly at the end of some songs, but never smiled, bobbed their head or showed any affinity for anything we did.

At the end of the show, they left immediately without speaking a kind word to us, tipping or in any way connecting with us. Such a disappointment.

If you're not into what we're doing, or you don't think we're good, you don't have to blow sunshine up our asses. But how about just being decent? You're not Simon Cowell, and this ain't America's Got Talent.

If you can't muster, "Great show guys!" How about just saying, "Hey guys, I'm so glad we got to see your show. You did a great job with [insert ONE freakin' nice thing that you can force yourself to acknowledge]." Ask yourself, "How would I want someone to behave at my show?" Then do that.

I know there's a natural competition with other musicians. But if you go to someone's show, and you act like a snarky asshole, you don't make them look bad. You make YOU look bad. And any admiration they had for you as a fellow artist is now gone. If you can't manage to be a good audience member, then don't go to other people's shows.

It's a tough thing that we're all out there doing - be supportive. You don't have to hope they end up at the Grammys while you slave away at dives making 10% of nothing. But don't be one more thing that makes someone else's gig tough.

Just be cool, man.