Saturday, April 12, 2014

The girl in the band

I'm the girl in the band.


If you've ever seen us, you know which one I am. I'm not the only one with long hair, but I am a little smaller than the other two, and my voice is higher - though Joe can hit a lot of the same notes I can!


I've been in this band for six years now, and it's been fantastic. I hope for another 60. Well, actually that's not true, because I'd be really old by then, and I don't want to be that super-old lady who can't really sing anymore, but she just keeps getting on stage, and it's sad more than inspirational. But I do hope we've still got a lot of great years in us.

That said, there a few challenges associated with being the girl in the band - things like having to do a lot more primping to get ready for a show (Johnny can be ready in about 15 minutes, and I think Joe usually just rolls out of bed) and not being able to lift some of the gear. The biggest challenge for me, though, is the fact that men feel completely at ease giving me criticism.


I'm not talking about the men in my band. Those guys are supportive and always have my back.


I'm talking about men in the audience - total strangers. They feel completely within their rights to say something shitty to me during a show. Sometimes they wait for a break, but sometimes they just come right up to the stage, say something snarky and walk away.

Now, sometimes there have been guys who have come up to Johnny to make some "helpful suggestions" about the sound. But to my knowledge, no one has ever come up to Johnny or Joe during a show (or after for that matter) and actually capped on them for their playing or singing.

I have. Multiple times. Just a few examples: I've had a guy approach me to tell me that I'm "much better" at playing bass than I used to be, because I used to "really suck." (Thank you?) I've had a guy come up and ask me if I'm a bass player who sings or a singer who plays bass - and make it clear he thinks I'm the latter. And at a recent show, I had a guy walk up to me DURING OUR SET and tell me what he didn't like about my bass playing in the song we had just played.


Who does that? Oh yeah - haters.

I guess they need me to know that they are musicians, too, and they believe themselves to be better than me, so they want to put me in my place - let me know that I shouldn't get too full of myself just because I'm on stage and they're not. I don't know what they think that accomplishes, but I can tell you what it does accomplish. It makes them look pathetic.

And I can tell you this, too: I've never had a woman do it. Not once. I'm sure there have been women who didn't care for my performance for one reason or another, but not one of them has ever felt the need to come up to me and try to undermine me to my face. Just men. And they don't do it when Johnny or Joe is standing next to me - just when they can lob their little grenade to me alone and walk away.

Pathetic.

But here's the thing. I'm not going to stop playing, stop singing or stop writing music because some no-talent ass-clown blows darts at me. If some loser thinks he needs to cut me down to size, I must be doing something right, because I'm making him feel threatened. So, thanks for the validation - and the inspiration. I think I have the subject for my next song.



9 comments:

  1. I hate hearing that you've experienced that, Z! And they are pathetic....that's ridiculous. Most of them probably have never even been on a stage - let alone SING while PLAYING an instrument. I am in awe of your talent!

    At our next happy hour, we need to come up with the perfect reply to shame them into never thinking they can do that again....to anyone!

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    1. Thanks, Laurie! You're too kind. Certainly, you open yourself to criticism if you put yourself out in the public, so I get that if you step on stage, you have to have a certain thickness of skin. Not everyone is going to like what you do, and even the most successful artists have people who cap on them. It comes with the territory.

      But usually, criticism is going to come in the form of a bad review or something a little less personal. Most people don't just walk right up to an artist and say something cutting to their face. I mean, why? What are they hoping to accomplish? And I just had to point out that from what I've experienced, when that does happen, it's some man attacking who he perceives as the most vulnerable in the band - the woman. That's who he thinks he can be nasty to and get away with it. And that's just feeble, man. Feeble.

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  2. Like like like like etc..the way you perceive things.

    "they believe themselves to be better than me, so they want to put me in my place - let me know that I shouldn't get too full of myself just because I'm on stage and they're not."

    If I were in that kind of situations, I bet I'd never even realized that I was insulted and just felt bad for few days thinking why.

    It's such a encouragement! That's a way to live your life happily.
    I should call you a master (>v<)//// no. Seriously.

    ~A certain Kraft-Ishihama~

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    1. How nice! And here I was worried I might sound like a whiner. :) Thank you very much for the kind words, K-I!

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  3. you might consider: "I don't come into your sandwich shop and tell you how to make a tuna sub!"

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  4. Not really sure how i ran across your blog...i think facebook, but you helped get me through Desert Shield/Storm when you "pen palled" me.

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    1. Well, hello! I remember corresponding with a soldier who was from my hometown during Desert Shield, but your name escapes me now (hey, it was 20 years ago - I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday!). I'm SO glad to know my letters were something to look forward to. I'm not sure I ever said much worth reading, but I suppose a voice from home is always welcome in a situation like that. Thank you for letting me know, and it's nice to know you made it home safely. :)

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    2. Its worse than you thought....it was 23 years ago! BTW, my name is Charlie Vazquez.

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  5. Round down, Charlie - round DOWN! ;)

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