Heckling done right

Technically this post isn't band related, but I'll do my best to forge a connection so it will seem at least somewhat relevant for this blog. A few months ago, I wrote about the worst heckler we ever had. This week, I was reminded of the best heckler I ever saw. (There. I did it. I forged a connection.)

It wasn't at a music show. It was at a volleyball game I attended several years ago.

Wow, okay, not that long ago. And it wasn't guys, and it wasn't on sand. 

It was a court volleyball game between the UT (NCAA, which means the women's team) and some other school that I can't remember now - partially because "several years ago" actually means "many years ago," and partially because the team doesn't matter.

If you've never been to a collegiate volleyball game, they are awesome. The game itself is really intense. There's lots of action, it's fast-paced, and someone scores on every serve, so every play matters. And the crowd is right next to the court, which causes a real feeding frenzy of energy between the players and spectators. It's hands-down my favorite women's sport to watch (football is my favorite men's sport, and no, I have no interest in watching women play that, even in their lingerie).

It's this proximity of the crowd to the players that made the top-level heckling at this particular game possible. See there was this young guy - a student - who positioned himself on the front row, right behind the court baseline where the opposing team was serving.

He carefully surveyed the girls on the court, consulted his program to match names to numbers, landed on a particular player (let's call her "Laura"), then he began his campaign of distraction.

"Laaaaura! Laura, you're beautiful! You're beautiful, Laura."

"Laura, I love you!"

[Laura misses a play.] "It's okay, Laura! Shake it off. You're still beautiful. I still love you!"

Laura couldn't help but listen to him. She tried to ignore him at first, then she gave up and started smiling and shaking her head when he'd yell something. Then her teammates started laughing. It was impossible not to giggle.

After the first game, it was time for the teams to switch sides of the court. When the second game started, he began again, from his same seat.

"Laura where ARE you?? Why did you leave me?"

"I see you, Laura! I'm right here. I'm waiting for you."

He kept it up for the whole game.

It was genius. I don't know if it made any difference in the opposing team's play or the outcome of the match, but it certainly added distraction. And he did it without ever crossing any lines that could get him thrown out. He didn't curse or threaten or even say anything negative. He didn't even incur any ill will from the opposing fans. What could they say? "Stop telling our player she's pretty!"

It was just clever and entertaining. I'll bet Laura still tells the story. I obviously do. So, if you ever want to heckle someone and not look like an asshole, that's pretty much the way to do it.

I never saw that kid at any other games. He probably went on to a successful career finding innovative solutions to needling problems of some kind. Or maybe he got fired for sexually harassing a co-worker. No way to know.

But I thank him for showing me how it's done - and giving me a story for my blog. My hat remains off to you, young man.