Support - Part 1 of 2

One of the things that a band deals with (and by "deals with" I mean "struggles with") is support.

It's a big enough issue that I'm going to break out the topic into two posts. Yes, I'm saying that blog readers have short attention spans and don't want to read posts that are too long. With that acknowledged, this first post will be about support from friends and family.

When you're first getting started, you're mainly focused on building the band - lining up your musicians and learning songs. At this point, "support" means someone giving you a place to rehearse or neighbors not calling the cops on you when you do.

When you've finally got enough material to play a show, and you start booking gigs, support requires a more active approach. You now expect people to come to your gigs to show support. Since the only people at this point who know your band are your friends and family, these are the people you expect to attend.

You shouldn't expect your friends and family to come to every gig, especially if you're playing regularly. Would you want to go see the same band play every week? Even a great one? No. So, you shouldn't ask your friends to. And they're unlikely to think of you as "great" even if you are, because to them, you're the knucklehead they played with as a kid or who helped them move last month. They don't have the same awe about you on stage that a stranger will.

But that said, if they can't make the effort to come out to see you play, say, once every six months and buy a CD once every two years, that's kinda crappy - especially if they're going out and seeing other bands. If they have a newborn at home and take any extra minutes that they have available to nap, cut them a break. But if they're out every night, hitting the bars, going to parties, and seeing other bands, but they're just not tossing an hour of time your way, then you might reevaluate how good of a friend they really are. Seriously.

It's even worse if they're Facebooking, Tweeting and Instagramming about other bands, but never yours. "You guys have got to check out The Playstations! They're the future of rock 'n roll!" "The Playstations go on at 11pm at Hot Lounge - you won't want to miss it!" "Anyone want to meet up to see The Playstations at the Music Room? So awesome!" After a while, you pretty much want to just set The Playstations' gear on fire. (Oh, and I'm trademarking that band name. If you want it, call me for a little business conversation.)

It's not that your friends and family can't like other bands. YOU like other bands, so of course, you expect everyone else to as well. But dammit, unless they're being paid to promote those other bands, it starts to stick in your craw that they're giving all this love to other bands and not showing you any. You're their friend/relative for chrissake! Are they trying to tell you they think you suck? Because that's the message you get after a while.

And if they're ALSO in a band, it's even more egregious. I have friends who have bands/projects, and I've put in the time to go see them, but in the 5 1/2 years that my band has been playing all over town, they have never once been to one of our shows. They keep inviting us to their gigs, but it never occurs to them that maybe they should come to one of ours. That's called being a douche. If you want to be supported, then you should support others. A little good will goes a long way.

Now you, reader, may be saying, "Maybe they just think you suck." Maybe. But refusing to support us because you think we suck is a privilege relegated to people who don't actually have a relationship with us. I can see a random band in a bar, tell Johnny, "They're awful," and walk out. I'm allowed to do that.

But if it's my sister's band up there, my job as a friend/relative is to sit through the show, smile supportively, even if it's bad, say kind words at the end, then tell Johnny when we get home, "They're awful. But you know we're buying their CD when it comes out, right?" Because she's my sister.

(The Shaggs. A real band, not related to me, most notable for being straight-up shitty.)

God willing, with time, her band will get better, and we'll come to love them and be proud to say we know them. And when they hit it big, my sister will put us on "the list" because we supported her even when they were awful. She'll also ask us to open for her, but she and Johnny will need to negotiate terms on that, so I'll let you know when the time comes if we agree to tour with them.

Here's the thing: Friends and family are the least likely to take you seriously as an artist, yet they are the very ones who should support you. That's just how it is. If they don't, they suck. That's just how it is.

If you're talented, work hard, and you make good music, hopefully they'll come to truly appreciate you as an artist in time. If not, take heart knowing that you'll find real fans, which is the subject of part two of this post.